Would you kick your boyfriend out if you caught him being verbally abusing your cat?
That’s what one woman had to decide, taking to Reddit to discuss catching her boyfriend being verbally abusive to her cat Millie. Was she taking it all too seriously, or was it time to give the guy the boot? Recently, the man moved into her apartment after expressing his distaste for cats in general.
Calling herself “catwoesthrowaway” on Reddit, the 24-year-old woman explained what took place. She had Millie since a kitten and considers the cat her “baby girl.” Then, she started dating a 30-year-old man, who immediately started showing red flags about the cat. At first, it started with seemingly harmless jokes.
‘Get Rid of That Cat’
First, the guy made jokes about Milly when he came over.
“Back when my BF and I first started dating, he made the joke that if we were ever going to live together, he’d have to “get rid of that cat,” which I dismissed at the time,” she wrote.
“When he would come over, he would ignore Millie, making jokes about how cats are stuck up, how much he’s a dog person. Again, I dismissed this, [because] he never acted hostile towards her. I figured it was just a preference.”
From there, the relationship became more serious. When the couple started planning to move in together, that’s when it became clear this guy wasn’t kidding about cats.
Boyfriend Doesn’t Want to Live With a Cat
As soon as it was time to move, the man took a more serious tone.
“When we started to get serious about moving in, he asked if I would consider giving her away, [because], he didn’t like the idea of living with a cat. I almost laughed before realizing he was serious,” she wrote.
Refusing to give up Millie, she held her ground and yet began to feel guilty about it.
“I told him that under no circumstances would I get rid of my cat. I felt guilty about being unwilling to compromise, but he actually took it well and reassured me that if [Mille] was this important to me, he’d get over it.”
Boyfriend Caught Verbally Abusing Millie
One night, the woman caught her boyfriend in the act of verbally abusing Millie.
“I don’t think he realized I was in the kitchen when he came home. Millie was on the couch, and I heard him go into the room and give this sigh,” she wrote.
“Before I could call out, I heard him say, “You’re so f**king worthless.” It terrified me because I’ve never ever heard him speak with such malice. He sounded like a different person. It was just so cold and hostile that I panicked and rushed out there to see him looking at Millie.”
Asked to Leave
At that point, she says she “freaked out.”
“I completely freaked out. I was yelling, asking what he thought he was doing talking to her like that? He jumped, and I scooped Millie up and told him to leave my apartment right now.
Then, the stunned boyfriend asked where he was supposed to go, but she said, “I don’t care, [you] just need to leave.”
Pissed off, he left, slamming the door behind him. Then, the upset and sobbing woman held Millie.
“I was shaking and she could tell I was upset and kept cuddling me,” she wrote.
Later, the man asked by text if he could come back, and she agreed.
While Millie was safely in a bedroom, the couple discussed what had happened. As he put it, he was being “playfully mean” with the cat and not serious.
“We were both a lot calmer, and I felt awful after he explained his side. I’ll often call Millie little names, and he said he was just trying to be playfully mean too and misjudged his tone,” she said.
Then, he revealed that he felt “second-best to Millie” and didn’t understand why she wouldn’t rehome the cat. He seemed to expect her to give up on keeping the kitty. However, his girlfriend had made it clear that wouldn’t happen long before he moved in.
“But he said it felt awful that I chose a cat over him, and that I called it ‘my’ apartment when it’s supposed to be our place. He told me he was constantly feeling second best to Millie, who I wouldn’t even consider rehoming, and I had thrown him out over an animal when he’s a person.”
Finally, catwoesthrowaway was left wondering if she was the one who had overreacted. Then, she apologized to him for “making him feel like this wasn’t his home.”
“I think I might have overreacted, but I just don’t know. He’s my boyfriend and she’s something I keep refusing to compromise on. But I also don’t believe that he just misjudged his tone.”
Eye-Opening Comments and an Update on the Boyfriend
In an update, the woman explained she “genuinely appreciated” a “flood of supportive comments” from others. In a Newsweek, she said the flurry of comments urging her to break up were “playing on her mind.”
Some people said the boyfriend sounded like he was gaslighting her. Others warned that Millie would not be safe with him around.
“He is manipulating you to one day give up the cat,” wrote one person.
“…Your boyfriend’s behavior is a huge red flag. He is gaslighting you, and I’d watch your cat closely. She’s going to ‘get out’one day and you’ll never see her again,” wrote another.
In response, the woman shared an update, disclosing that she had dumped the boyfriend after all.
“Everybody’s comments were extremely eye-opening. I felt sick to my stomach reading about people afraid for Millie….and it had already crossed my mind, honestly. Making that post validated all the fears that I had kept dismissing as dramatic, and it was almost a relief to be encouraged by strangers to do something I had previously been too afraid to do,” she said.
After looking into the meaning of “gaslighting” and talking with family, she knew he had to go.
“We broke up. It’s my apartment. He wasn’t on the lease yet, and he’s going to go stay with his brother. Had to read around about gaslighting, and my sisters would agree with all of you about that one😅”
The Right Call
Although the boyfriend was out, he still expected the woman to reach out when she was ready to reject Millie.
“It was hard to lose somebody I trusted and thought I knew well, but based on his reaction, I knew I made the right call. He essentially told me that if I couldn’t learn to put other humans before my cat, I’d be alone for a very long time and that he’d be waiting for me to reach out.”
It was an unfair expectation for anyone to expect her to ditch her beloved cat. Now, Millie would be safe, and the woman would be happier too.
“Millie doesn’t deserve to just be tolerated; she deserves to be safe and treated like the little princess she is by anybody I live with. She’s seen me through so much, and I’d rather be alone than her wandering around the side of the road somewhere. And I am absolutely terrified of her ever being hurt. It isn’t worth the risk. I’m okay with it being just her and [me] for now.”
It sounds like she made the best decision, given the situation. Now, she’s free to find someone who loves her and Millie too. As we’ve shared many times, many men love cats. We’re sure this woman will be very happy she decided to move on.
Below, you can see Millie in a photo posted by catwoesthrowaway: